Feeling like you have somehow failed at life because you don’t have a ring, a mortgage, or a 5-year plan? You are not alone. The real reasons you feel lost run deep. It comes down to chasing “shoulds,” living on autopilot, and forgetting how to actually enjoy your life. Here is the breakdown on why this happens and the practical steps to get unstuck.
Your fave anti-burnout girlie is currently writing this from a sun lounger in Greece.
Yes, I finally got married! But to be honest, the road here wasn’t exactly a straight line. I got engaged in 2020 (feels like a lifetime ago) and then life happened. Between growing a business, moving countries, and relying on Paintingbynumbers-expert paint by numbers kits to keep my anxiety in check during the chaos, the wedding took a backseat. Plus, dealing with the pressure of Greek relatives asking about babies every five minutes didn’t help matters.
And you know what? That 5-year engagement really got me thinking. It wasn’t “conventional.” It wasn’t what people expected. But it was right for us.
At 35, I still have moments where I look around and think… “Wait, am I doing this wrong?” I see friends buying forever homes and climbing the corporate ladder while I am living out of a suitcase and running my business from cafes. But I have realised something huge. The reason so many of us feel lost in our thirties isn’t because we are failing. It is because we are measuring ourselves against a life we never actually chose.
So if you are currently spiralling because you feel “behind,” buckle up. Here are the 5 real reasons why you feel lost and exactly how to fix it.
1. The Weight of Societal Expectations
Let’s talk about the absolute exhaustion of hitting 27 and suddenly becoming public property. Everyone has an opinion. “Why aren’t you married?” “When are you buying a house?” “Tick tock!”
We measure our success against what our parents did in the 90s (when houses cost £50k, by the way) or what influencers show us on Instagram. When I was 27, I felt like a total failure because I didn’t have a plan. I had just quit a toxic job and was totally lost. But I learnt that those timelines are complete rubbish. They are made up. Once you stop trying to live someone else’s life, yours starts to make a lot more sense.
How to get unstuck:
- Define YOUR success: Is it freedom? Is it creativity? Or is it actually the corporate ladder? Be honest.
- Audit your feed: Unfollow anyone who makes you feel inadequate. Comparison is the thief of joy.
2. You Are Deep in Burnout (and You Don’t Know It)
This is the big one. Burnout doesn’t just mean you are tired. It gives you brain fog so thick you can’t decide what to have for dinner, let alone what to do with your life.
When I was burnt out, I had zero energy for anything. I would work, come home, and rot in bed. The things I used to love—fitness, hobbies, seeing friends—felt like chores. And this is where it gets dangerous. When you stop doing things just for joy, life feels empty. You lose your spark.
You need to reintroduce hobbies that are low-stakes and high-reward. This is why I always recommend paint by numbers kits for adults to my clients. It sounds simple, but engaging in “active meditation” like painting forces your brain to switch off work mode and enter a flow state. It is a way to reclaim your time and your identity outside of your job. It reminds you that you are a person who creates, not just a person who produces.
How to get unstuck:
- Check your boundaries: Are you saying yes when you mean no?
- Prioritise play: Get a kit, bake a cake, or go for a walk without your phone. joy is non-negotiable.
3. You Are Living Out of Alignment
I will talk about values until I am blue in the face. If you are feeling lost, it is usually because your daily life doesn’t match your core values.
If you value adventure but you do the exact same routine every week, you will feel stuck. If you value creativity but you stare at spreadsheets all day, you will feel drained. You can’t hustle your way out of misalignment. You have to fix the root cause.
How to get unstuck:
- Identify your values: Pick 3 words that mean the most to you (e.g., Freedom, Connection, Growth).
- Audit your week: Look at your calendar. How many hours are spent doing things that align with those words? If it is zero, we have work to do.
4. You Are addicted to People-Pleasing
People-pleasing isn’t just being “nice.” It is building your entire life around what other people want from you.
Did you choose your career to make your parents proud? Are you staying in a relationship because you don’t want to hurt them? Are you going to that party because you don’t want to look boring?
I used to be the Queen of People Pleasing. I lost myself completely because I was so busy being who everyone else wanted me to be. Setting boundaries feels scary at first, but it is the only way to get your life back.
How to get unstuck:
- The “Pause”: When someone asks you to do something, never answer immediately. Say “Let me check my diary.” This buys you time to see if you actually want to do it.
5. A Lack of Self-Acceptance
This is the silent killer. You feel lost because you are constantly chasing a “better” version of yourself. You think you will be happy when you lose the weight, when you get the promotion, when you get the ring.
But the goalposts always move. You have to learn to accept yourself as you are right now. Messy, confused, and imperfect. Inner peace doesn’t come from changing yourself; it comes from accepting yourself.
How to get unstuck:
- Challenge the narrative: Write down the mean things you say to yourself. Ask: “Is this actually true?” Usually, the answer is no.
Final Thoughts
If you are reading this and nodding along, please know that you are not failing. It is normal to not have it all figured out. Life is not a race. You are allowed to go at your own pace. You are allowed to change your mind. And you are allowed to build a life that looks nothing like anyone else’s
